getting burned casually

Home was good:  

I caught up with friends 

And ran over every single curb in Grandview 

I got a haircut;  

I look like August 

One of my friends also got his hair cut; 

He looks like someone’s prison bitch 

It’s still February 

And now we both have cold heads  

I learned exciting new idioms:  

I learned that it is possible to walk on your lips 

I learned that it is also possible to knit your brow  

I was going through some old art today 

And I found a self-portrait study I drew a week or so before I was admitted to the hospital last year,  

I felt like death at the time 

Hence the arrow piercing my skull 

It’s pretty hilarious  

But ominous and frighteningly foreshadowing at the same time 

Also, I think this is what I might look like when I’m thirty:

I’ve been bleeding a lot lately: 

My fingers bleed because it’s cold 

I cut my nose* shaving today and bled all over the bathroom 

(Everything smells like copper) 

And now I’m bleeding all over my room 

Because I accidentally ripped a scab off my foot;  

I don’t know where the scab came from 

But that means I was bleeding earlier at some point too 

It’s a good thing I don’t have a vagina  

If I did, I’d probably be on my period 

Bleeding.  

*I’m usually graceful 

I’m even a graceful drunk 

When I vomit, it’s poetic 

But I wasn’t graceful today, AND I was sober 

There are three cuts stacked along the bottom of my right nostril 

If this scars, I’m joining the circus  

Friday, I went with Dylan to see her mom at the hospital

She looked like hell, but she was cracking jokes 

What an incredible quality  

To be able to laugh in the face of death 

I wish I were that brave  

It snowed all weekend 

Luckily, it didn’t accumulate 

But the roads were icy 

So I slid around  

Last night was pleasant,  

I went over to Alia’s and met up with Addie and Sam 

We feasted on chocolate and chain-smoked 

Wetting our tongues with piping hot black coffee. 

At one point, Alia was smoking a cigarette 

And the cherry fell out into her lap, 

She nonchalantly picked up the ember with her fingers 

And dropped it in the ash tray, continuing the conversation as if nothing happened, 

I was visibly alarmed 

She replied: “I get burned casually”  

I don’t.  

I flail.  

Then, Alia’s computer wouldn’t boot, 

She fiddled around with it for a bit, and it decided to think about starting up.  

“we shouldn’t watch” she concluded, “a watched pot never boils” 

and that reminded me of something I heard once 

about finding love when you least expect it 

and I wondered if waiting for love is like waiting water to boil or waiting for a frozen computer to boot 

and if thinking about it too much really does magically prevent it from happening 

but I digress  

Alia seemed stressed 

So I lit her a cigarette 

Sam offered to clean her dishes 

And Addie rooted Alia on 

Alia decided we were wonderful guests 

And we decided Alia was a wonderful hostess 

And it was all so wonderful 

And I’m glad 

Because I like it when things are wonderful.