dear zach,

your hair feels like straw.
are you a scarecrow?
I didn't think so.
get some mothafuckin conditioner.

love,

zach

korean spice viburnums

I’m antsy,
I’m sick of writing papers,
Of making arguments,
Of assessing,
Of having to justify my convictions,
Do I always have to come to a conclusion?
About everything?
What if I don’t have the answers you’re looking for?
What will happen then?
Will the sky fall on our heads?
Will the world crack in half?
Riddle me that.

Can’t we just consider?
And reflect?
Have a casual conversation over a cigarette?
Or maybe just bury our noses in the flowers?
And take in the sweet fragrance of spring?

Yes, that’s something I can stand by steadfastly.
Resolved:
I’d rather smell flowers.


I picked two small flowers off of a bush by the smoking canopy earlier tonight,
The chutes of the flowers are a deep pink
That gradually fade into white blossoms
I guess they’re called korean spice viburnums
Whatever the fuck that is.

The smell, is hard to describe:
“like flowers” one of my friends intelligently concluded,
“like pollen” another chimed.
“like allergies” the first decided.








no.

More like,
Honeycomb and sugar cubes
And bees
And nectarine.
Fresh,
Like ice cubes
Melting in a cool glass
Of homemade lemonade and vodka,
A fine brew.

Like korean spice viburnums, obviously.

I want to eat them.


I want to wake up to this aroma.

I wonder if I can bottle this..











I wish flowers didn’t die.
All the magnolias here have already withered away,
They were so brilliant,
But fleeting,
Only to be replaced by another,
And soon they too will die,
And then the lilacs will come.
And go.


Oh well, nothing can be permanent, I suppose.
That’s part of the beauty.
And the magic.
I’ll just have to enjoy this while it lasts.
And wait for the next batch to blossom,
And take in each wave of splendor
All summer long.

vitamins + water = all you need? not quite.

I’ve been drinking a lot of vitamin water lately,
Alia swears by it.
I’m hoping maybe it counterbalances
All my other unhealthy tendencies.

“Vitamins + water = all you need”, the bottle boasts.
If only this were true.
I need more.




I prayed for consistency—
I wonder if life consistently becoming increasingly more bizarre
Is the consistency I am blessed and cursed with?
It’s not exactly what I had anticipated,
Or wanted.
Something more subtle would have been preferable,
Oh well, at least I won’t be surprised when the next hurricane crashes ashore—
What will be swept up upon the beach this time?
I’m not going to make any predictions,
They might just come true.

Still,
The accident and coincidence of being
In the wrong place at the wrong time,
Consistently,
It can’t be healthy.

At least I’m somewhere?
And learning,
That must count for something.
Right?






I remember a few months back,
I was building something out of clay
And Emily was telling me
That sculptors,
Particularly those who are drawn to and work with clay
Have the greatest emotional needs
That’s why we choose to work with clay
Because it’s instantly gratifying;
You can mold it into whatever your heart desires
Carve it away,
Cut it down to size
Beat it up
Box its ears
Knead it;
And it’ll take the beating.
You can take out all your anger and distress on it
And then turn it into something beautiful

But it’s even more than that, I think.
It’s intimate
It’s you
Your hands
Making
Decisions.

You aren’t the victim of consequence.
Nothing happens by accident.
You are in control.

Maybe sculptors just have bad luck,
And we’re trying to change things for the better
Vicariously through our art.








Yes,
This entire year, I’ve been wrapping:
Spinning webs,
Weaving nests,
Cocooning.

“what are you trying to contain?”

I don’t know.

“what are you so desperately trying to catch?”














love.


Why?
I don’t know.
Only that
I don’t feel right.
I’ve been trying to fill voids for years
Feel validated.
Feel valued.


Though, to a certain extent, I am.
I’ve seen so many blatant and beautiful displays of love over the past week:

Love is sharing what you have, even if you don’t have much to offer.
Love is calling, just to check in.
Love is a stranger putting down the window and asking the person in the car next to them if they’re okay, because they looked distressed.
Love is lending an ear.
Love is lending a shoulder.
Love is calling your friends when you’re making a taco run to see if they’re hungry,
& love is buying your friends tacos when they are.
Love is restarting a movie when you’re half way through because your friend came over and wants to watch too.
Love is making art together.
Love is making music with someone, even if they can’t play the piano very well.
Love is lighting a cigarette for someone, because their hand is full of stitches
Love is swinging with a friend, just shooting the breeze
Love is taking the fall, even if it isn’t your fault
Love is opting to sleep on the floor next to someone when there is a perfectly free and comfortable couch available.





Love = all you need