thankful.

Sartre and Beauvoir concluded
that we as humans only have the capability
to identify that which is absent from our lives
in order to fully recognize and realize
what we ultimately have the capacity to garner and obtain,
that it is impossible to address that which we already have
because its presence is too obvious to notice,
and is inherently digested and archived within.
Despite their extensive
and thorough literature defending this sentiment,
I believe Sartre and Beauvoir got it wrong,
and that it is possible, upon careful inspection,
to still describe that which we do have,
and appreciate what we’ve already acquired.

I am thankful.

“Nothing can beat wasting the day with people who truly care about you, who you don’t have to censor yourself around out of fear of being misconstrued or deconstructed. I can be a strong black woman, I can be gay; I can talk shit and sing my heart out and drink and smoke and act like a fool and feel completely safe. With my friends, I am home.”
-October 13th, 2008

I am thankful for my friends—
my noble and distinguished collection,
my select few, my kindred company, my coven.
I am thankful for our gatherings,
our discourse, our exchanges.
Our dissections and deconstructions,
our arm-chair psychology.
I am thankful for our conversation,
our front porch system, our support system
our cigarette breaks, our binges, benders
and coffee table coalescence.
I am thankful for our conspiring,
our plans, schemes, spells and charms.
I am thankful for their anecdotes,
gossip and ear-candy.
I am thankful for their insights,
and pearls of wisdom.
I am thankful for the sunsets we’ve shared—
the ones we knew were specifically painted for us.
I am thankful for the early morning lessons
in bomb construction.
I am thankful for our plans.
I am thankful for our traditions,
I am thankful for our apocalyptic visions,
and basement bomb shelter blueprints.
I am thankful for winters to hide away from,
I am thankful for pianos,
I am thankful for musical telepathy,
and three chord songs.

I am thankful for the one who broke my heart.
You taught me about resilience, and how to persevere.
You stirred something within me that I didn’t know existed.
You made me feel alive.
And even though you couldn’t requite,
you allowed me to practice sainthood,
you saw the best of me,
a side of myself I had never even seen before.
You were the first person I ever loved,
thank you for letting me.

I am thankful for everyone who ever let me love them,
you showed me that I have the capacity to love
and all the magic and the poetry it entails.

I am thankful for the little bird.
This whole time I’ve been nesting,
I thought I was taking an active role,
by creating a space to meet a lover.
You showed me that I was actually tying myself up,
And passively waiting for someone to rescue me.

And you also give me hope that someone will rescue me.

I am thankful for everything that has transpired,
that I was able to create everything that I have,
learn everything that I know,
and know everyone that I do.

I am thankful for the person I am.

Thank you.