sentimental motherly advice on the dancefloor at a wedding.

(ella fitzgerald is playing in the background)

“I wouldn’t worry too much
about finding someone,
there’s no doubt in my mind
that you will. And when you do—
whoever it is—just make sure
that they respect you
and treat you well.”

(sidebar: notice the lack of pronouns
and the ambiguous use of “they”—
I’m not polygamous, just gay.
But this may or may not be
an acknowledgement of my sexuality
and a blessing from my mother.
Thank god, because I really
didn’t want to have that conversation,
not because I’m ashamed—
though I’m slightly terrified
of disappointing them—
it’s just a dialogue
I never wanted to initiate.
Imagine, just for a moment,
how uncomfortable and awkward
that conversation would be.
Is it something you can
just casually bring up at dinner
as you’re passing the biscuits?
I think not).

To which I deflected,
“you’ve been drinking,
haven’t you?”

“No, I really mean it,
you’ll find someone.
I know it seems difficult to imagine right now,
but you will find someone.
Just make sure you don’t go into any relationship
thinking you can change the other person.
Because you can’t, and that logic
is a recipe for disaster.
You can only change yourself”.

(which is true,
"it’s only on the brink
that people find the will to change.
Only at the precipice do we evolve".
I guess I’m just waiting for
that defining moment.
I’m ready for my moment.)

“Thanks Mom”.