beginning to breathe and beginning to hope

Until tonight, I hadn’t cried since my grandpa’s funeral. 

It feels really good. 









I can’t explain it. 
But it makes me feel human. 











I wasn’t expecting a different answer.
I knew exactly what was coming, 
I knew exactly what your response would be.
I was prepared. 

And it didn’t hurt so badly in theory. 



But finally hearing the truth—
The truth that I was more than well aware of,
The truth I so desperately wanted to finally hear
From the source
From your lips—
And having to accept it as reality 
Fucking hurts. 







But,
It’s okay. 
Because I wanted that closure,
And even though it hurts right now, 
I needed to hear the truth, 
And I will survive.








Thank you. 
Thank you, so much.
I am relieved.

Now, I can finally breathe. 










&








I’m not bitter, 
I’m not angry, 
I don’t blame you at all, 
I have no ill feelings towards you, 
I’m truly happy for you, 
I’m happy you’ve found someone 
I’m happy you’ve met your match,
I’m happy you’ve found your partner in crime,
The one you want by your side,
I’m happy you’re in love
It’s a beautiful thing 
Don’t let that go. 
Or I’ll break your legs
And snap off your head. 





But really and truly, 
I’m happy for you,
And I’m so glad to have met you, 
I’m glad our lives intersected 
That our paths crossed in that house, 
Despite the chaotic circumstances.

I will always treasure the music, love and poetry that we made
& I’m glad we did the things we did, 
I don’t regret any of it. 
Not
One
Thing. 





There is someone for me out there,
And even though it isn’t you, 
I’m glad we’re friends.